Mostly I was nervous. Not because I was traveling to New York city, but rather I had no idea how to react to the convention. To make it clear, this was a trip that combined pop culture (NYCC) and general poking around NYC with the hubby. I called it a 6 day date, during which time comic book things would happen for a few hours.
And they did...for a few hours. I had a 4 day pass. I really only cared to go on the first two days.
Throwing myself fully into the madness of a comic con with my non comic book reading husband in tow would have been grossly unfair to the man ~ and to be truthful I'm really not interested in the hype that surrounds industry announcements, cosplay and anything that involves standing in line for hours to see.
Nope. I was really just there to ....wander around and observe the happy madness of the whole thing and maybe stare at some artists in mute awe.
Here's the thing...talented people terrify me. We are talking Deer. In. Headlights.
Many people will attend a convention having plotted their plan of action in which to maximize the ability to meet as many of their comic book drawing/writing heroes as possible in order to purchase prints, snag precious commissions, snap pictures and get signatures.
Me? As my husband sat on the side lines of Artists Alley reading the NYTimes, I systematically made my way up and down the aisles, mentally noting the artists in attendance. My eyes flicked over the works presented at the booths, noted if the artist was sitting at the table or not (careful NOT TO MAKE EYE CONTACT) and just kept moving.
In truth I have little interest in super hero artists. It is not that I don't find the work of the big name creators within the industry unworthy, because after all...they are at the top of their field for a reason, as their graphic skills are breathtaking. Rather, I don't have a burning need to meet them or own their work beyond the floppy or TPB on my bookshelf. Aside from the fact that they did not invent the characters flowing from their pencil and/or pen, I find the entire genre not inspiring enough to want to press the flesh with those who work in the field.
I have no interest in breaking into comics nor in the creators on a personal or professional level, hence I have nothing to ask or say to them, so I keep walking.
Upon reflection of those times that I did stop to look closer at the artwork of an individual, it was because that material was original, creator owned and touched something deep enough in me that wouldn't let my feet guide me past the table. It would take a lot of effort to actually find the courage to speak to the individual sitting behind the neat stacks of artwork and if the person was not the artist in question, rather a friend minding the booth, I was relieved and would engage them in conversation.
If it actually was the artist I would just shove money at them and purchase a print and nod mutely when they asked if I wanted it signed. I swear I dropped my personality on the floor the moment I stepped up to the table and the friendly face of an artist would attempt to engage me in conversation.
I think my biggest regret was not purchasing a book with original artwork on the cover from http://jeremybastian.blogspot.ca/ . I was immediately attracted to the free flowing but delicate ink compositions, and as it was the first day of the convention the crowds were thin and I could have enjoyed a lovely conversation with this talented young man. Instead I froze up and practically fled the scene after noting down that he would have a book published later in the year. I did make a point of returning to his booth the next day, with the thought of just sucking it up and purchasing an original on the spot... but when I approached his table he was away on a break. The universe was mocking my attempts of being brave.
My avoiding people who are famous is well known to my family. I have always held the opinion that that it is pointless for me to walk up to a well known figure just to say that I think they are great and add nothing to their life experience beyond the fact that I just interrupted their thoughts. With artists the annoyance of intruding in their life includes my mind numbing awe at their talent.
Of course artists at a convention are setting aside time to promote their work and they're more than willing to speak to those who admire their creations. I think part of my problem lies in the fact that I am well aware that they are there to sell, I am probably not willing to make a purchase (and don't want to feel guilty for not buying), so not wanting to lead people on or come between the artist and sales to others I beat a hasty retreat.
In the case of Jeremy Bastian though, I just became tongue-tied and part of this lies with the insecurity I have in my own drawing skills...which is ridiculous because I'd never say to him that I even knew what the business end of a pencil was. Later when reading his blog I came to realize that I am an idiot for not having engaged him in conversation, because we'd have a lot to talk about and perhaps if I attend the con next year I will have found a little bag of brave upon which to draw confidence to approach his table.
Until such a time though I will read his and other artists blogs (wow they are just people who draw) while continuing with my daily doodlings. I have slowly woken up to the fact that with practice comes confidence...for example, the drawing above:
#75 of 365 Daily Drawings
Inspiration: My recent birthday
Result: Infinity Dragon
Materials: Pentel 0.3 HB, Micron 005 & 02 pens, in a Moleskine plain journal
....this dragon, for all the textures, was drawn without much fussing (and I do know how to fuss) over a fairly short period of time (probably less than 3 hours). While not perfect it did drive home to me that I am starting to work instinctively and make better decisions when laying down lines. It represents a tremendous amount of progress in my skill set and that for me is extremely exciting. It makes me perhaps a little braver.
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