Internal Bookkeeping

Still clinging to the habit of using Sakura micron pens for my daily sketch, I stopped by The State of the Art Supplies  in order to see if they had any 005 in stock. They did in fact not. However I was encouraged to try the Faber Castell SX and happily it is an excellent substitute for the micron.

While these drawing pens are an fine choice to travel with, I need to stop relying on them for artwork done at home. Although I imported Japanese pens/ink this autumn I find myself hesitating to explore that more fluid medium due to the old habit of not wasting good supplies.

Now here's the thing ~ while I can excuse myself from breaking into the scary medium of pens with nibs, bottles of ink and cartridges by telling myself that is messy, will require much patience and be my project for the New Year...there is simply no reason not to crack open the package of OHTO needle point drawing pens. I may or may not like drawing with them but I'll never know if I don't even try.

This is fairly typical of me. Good art supplies are not cheap and I am loathe to waste them on useless artwork. So I keep telling myself that when I get better at drawing I will use the more expensive tools. Of course following that same logic I'll never become skilled at using the tools if I avoid using them so there I am dancing my Catch-22 tango.

So today I will live dangerously and crack open the OHTO graphic liners for drawing # 83

Breaking a habit. It's a good thing.

On the subject of skills ~ it occurred to me while I was speaking with the shop owner regarding the microns, that while I may not be particularly skilled on the drawing end of things, I do know my way around a darned 005 Sakura.

While being given advice on how to use them I had to remind myself that the shop keeper has no idea what I draw or how, and it made me wonder about how others use their tools if I am being advised to not press too hard. He could not know that the reason I was buying new 005s is not because I was destroying the tips, but  rather because I really DO blow through a pen on a weekly basis. No amount of shifting among pens or use of a gentle hand will prevent me from running out of ink. Although it is only 7 drawings a week, they are line intensive due to my madness for textures.

I was invited to the opening of a they were hosting, featuring Shelia MacDonald Roberts. I was told it would be an excellent manner in which to meet local artists, network which in turn helps to sell my own artwork.

Quite frankly the entire prospect horrified me. I think I started babbling about the fact that while I am enjoying the process of learning to draw I have less than zero interest in marketing my work. I avoided mentioning my abject terror of mingling with other artists... but that might have been due to the fact that I paid for my Faber-Castell pens as fast as I could before fleeing the shop with a nervous wave.

Why does everyone seem to automatically categorize artwork as a commodity? Almost every member of my family does this, as well as most friends and even strangers. A handful of people know me well enough to understand that it is a topic you just don't broach ...even if they think it's strange,  they know when to just let it go and accept this particular quirk of mine.

Sadly others, who should know me, don't seem to understand that well meaning encouragement to create art for profit results in panic attacks. My heart explodes in my chest and my head starts to buzz as I throw up diversionary topics of conversation...and if that doesn't work I just remove myself physically from having to speak of it.

I think one of my problems is how to price artwork. People admire creation of art as a skill but only see value in it if it can be sold for profit. The irony is that people also see art creation as something an individual does because they like to, unlike other skilled jobs that people do because they have to. Art is a hobby not real work, no matter the time or labor involved.

Buying art is a want, not a need. You need a doctor, mechanic, plumber or lawyer, you do not need a painting or carving. Somehow because art is a want and not a need, people resist the idea of paying the same that they would part with to other professions. So no matter how much you admire someones skill you would rather pay them less than minimum wage for their time because they obviously felt joy in creating it, so that makes it easy to do and hence they are skilled but not as valued as people to are employed in needful jobs.

I have observed this kind of thinking for decades and it makes me batshit-crazy.

After years of deliberation I finally have come to the conclusion that my time is of value and that is what I will base my price upon if I ever choose to sell my artwork. If I want people to truly value my work I have to find value in myself. This includes thinking that my artwork, practice as it might be, is worth the use of more expensive tools. Exploration leads to discover and growth and I'm worth that at the very least.

#64 of 365 Daily Drawings

Inspiration: Skyfall (Love this Bond flick so hard it hurts)

Result: 00 Kitty

Materials: Pentel 0.3 HB, Micron 005 & 02 pens, in a Moleskine plain journal

Habit management

Yesterday I managed to find numerous excuses to avoid drawing, although in the end I did manage to force myself to sit down & do it. It was not that I lacked ideas, because if there is anything I have, it's busy Muses running around inside my head chattering like squirrels on crack. Rather what was missing was motivation.

This is one of the reasons when Jake Parkers' Annual illustration project, Inktober, was drawing to a close I jumped upon the idea of extending it to a full year of daily artwork. I know myself very well and without goals I flounder against a tide of inertia and my creativity drowns in the resulting procrastination.

The reason that I post my doodles online daily is also part of the motivation to keep me drawing. Committing myself publicly to such a project shames me into actually getting my ass in gear and doing the work.  It's not a sense of guilt that forces me to draw, rather honouring a commitment to do something. 

 Some have said that if I should miss a day that I can catch-up by drawing more later....but that is defeating the purpose of the entire exercise. I'm completely capable of creating more than a single drawing in a day, that is not the point. I want to prove to myself that I can produce work regularly, create a habit of doing so and to that end will do so for an entire year.

Being a creature of habit though, if I allow my creative time to become too tied to a place (in a cafe) or time (2 hours in the morning between 9 and noon) then I set myself up to fail as I will not be able to work outside those comfort zones I've constructed for myself.

My trip to NYC in October helped me to move the daily drawing habit into different venues and I am confident that I can continue this project no matter where I am, but when in my home town I had to break the coffee shop habit and force myself to work in the house. The reason is not just to teach my family to respect my time at the artboard but also for me to develop the ability to concentrate on a project here in spite of the domestic chaos that dances around me.

In addition to working at home I needed to shake up the time of day I work in and inject a sense of flexibility into my work patterns. Interruptions to my creativity are met with anger and frustration. I need to learn to be able to stop work and then resume it, because life isn't going to pause just so I can sit down and scribble.

The past few days I have allowed myself to start drawing at later times and take breaks at odd points during the process. I didn't need to stop but I would and find something else to do. The net result was that I was still capable of completing a drawing without being emotionally wrung out or stressed and I count that as a win. The proof was when I received a request to watch my 3 year old niece that next day. I know that even with an entire day potentially spent away from my desk, that I had plenty of time to produce my work when she had left to go home in the late afternoon. My normal sense of panic had been replaced by confidence that I am up to the task and that is a good feeling. Proof that as mad as this 365 day project appears on the surface, it is actually having the positive results.

#78 of 365 Daily Drawings

Inspiration: Christmas music

Result: A Merry mouse

Materials: Pentel 0.3 HB, Micron 005 & 02 pens, in a Moleskine plain journal

Location: At home

Bag of Brave

This past October I  attended my first big comic book convention, NYCC 2012 and in the days leading up to the trip I was continuously asked if I was excited.

Mostly I was nervous. Not because I was traveling to New York city, but rather I had no idea how to react to the convention. To make it clear, this was a trip that combined pop culture (NYCC) and general poking around NYC with the hubby. I called it a 6 day date, during which time comic book things would happen for a few hours.

And they did...for a few hours. I had a 4 day pass. I really only cared to go on the first two days.

Throwing myself fully into the madness of a comic con with my non comic book reading husband in tow would have been grossly unfair to the man ~ and to be truthful I'm really not interested in the hype that surrounds industry announcements, cosplay and anything that involves standing in line for hours to see.

Nope. I was really just there to ....wander around and observe the happy madness of the whole thing and maybe stare at some artists in mute awe.

Here's the thing...talented people terrify me. We are talking Deer. In. Headlights.

Many people will attend a convention having plotted their plan of action in which to maximize the ability to meet as many of their comic book drawing/writing heroes as possible in order to purchase prints, snag precious commissions, snap pictures and get signatures.

Me? As my husband sat on the side lines of Artists Alley reading the NYTimes, I systematically made my way up and down the aisles, mentally noting the artists in attendance. My eyes flicked over the works presented at the booths, noted if the artist was sitting at the table or not (careful NOT TO MAKE EYE CONTACT) and just kept moving.

In truth I have little interest in super hero artists. It is not that I don't find the work of the big name creators within the industry unworthy, because after all...they are at the top of their field for a reason, as their graphic skills are breathtaking. Rather, I don't have a burning need to meet them or own their work beyond the floppy or TPB on my bookshelf.  Aside from the fact that they did not invent the characters flowing from their pencil and/or pen, I find the entire genre not inspiring enough to want to press the flesh with those who work in the field.

I have no interest in breaking into comics nor in the creators on a personal or professional level, hence I have nothing to ask or say to them, so I keep walking.

Upon reflection of those times that I did stop to look closer at the artwork of an individual, it was because that material was original, creator owned and touched something deep enough in me that wouldn't let my feet guide me past the table. It would take a lot of effort to actually find the courage to speak to the individual sitting behind the neat stacks of artwork and if the person was not the artist in question, rather a friend minding the booth, I was relieved and would engage them in conversation.

If it actually was the artist I would just shove money at them and purchase a print and nod mutely when they asked if I wanted it signed. I swear I dropped my personality on the floor the moment I stepped up to the table and the friendly face of an artist would attempt to engage me in conversation.

I think my biggest regret was not purchasing a book with original artwork on the cover from http://jeremybastian.blogspot.ca/   . I was immediately attracted to the free flowing but delicate ink compositions, and as it was the first day of the convention the crowds were thin and I could have enjoyed a lovely conversation with this talented young man. Instead I froze up and practically fled the scene after noting down that he would have a book published later in the year.  I did make a point of returning to his booth the next day, with the thought of just sucking it up and purchasing an original on the spot... but when I approached his table he was away on a break. The universe was mocking my attempts of being brave.

My avoiding people who are famous is well known to my family. I have always held the opinion that that it is pointless for me to walk up to a well known figure just to say that I think they are great and add nothing to their life experience beyond the fact that I just interrupted their thoughts.  With artists the annoyance of intruding in their life includes my mind numbing awe at their talent.

Of course artists at a convention are setting aside time to promote their work and they're more than willing to speak to those who admire their creations. I think part of my problem lies in the fact that I am well aware that they are there to sell, I am probably not willing to make a purchase (and don't want to feel guilty for not buying), so not wanting to lead people on or come between the artist and sales to others I beat a hasty retreat.

In the case of Jeremy Bastian though, I just became tongue-tied and part of this lies with the insecurity I have in my own drawing skills...which is ridiculous because I'd never say to him that I even knew what the business end of a pencil was.  Later when reading his blog I came to realize that I am an idiot for not having engaged him in conversation, because we'd have a lot to talk about and perhaps if I attend the con next year I will have found a little bag of brave upon which to draw confidence to approach his table.

Until such a time though I will read his and other artists blogs (wow they are just people who draw) while continuing with my daily doodlings. I have slowly woken up to the fact that with practice comes confidence...for example, the drawing above:

#75 of 365 Daily Drawings

Inspiration: My recent birthday

Result:  Infinity Dragon

Materials: Pentel 0.3 HB, Micron 005 & 02 pens, in a Moleskine plain journal

....this dragon, for all the textures, was drawn without much fussing (and I do know how to fuss) over a fairly short period of time (probably less than 3 hours). While not perfect it did drive home to me that I am starting to work instinctively and make better decisions when laying down lines. It represents a tremendous amount of progress in my skill set and that for me is extremely exciting. It makes me perhaps a little braver.

Chasing Time

The purpose of this blog is to document the thought process...if any...that skitters across my mind when I've committed myself to a drawing. First though, as this is my initial post, I will give a brief history on how I arrived at this point.

Aside from a handful of art classes in High school and exactly three elective art classes in university I am not trained. But 'wait' you say...'you took classes!' Taking classes and actually learning something is two entirely different things.

My high school classes consisted mostly of art history (memorization of names & dates) wedged between projects which were little more than time fillers, offering no challenge let alone instruction of technique. I put more effort into doodles that would become personalized Christmas cards to friends.

At the back end of university I was informed I needed to round out my anthropology degree with electives and out of curiosity chose to take a single life drawing, acrylic painting & sculpture class respectively. They were extremely basic, half credit classes in which I learned that my high school art courses had been a complete waste of my time. This was practical stuff that explained how to stretch and prime canvas for painting, introduced me to thinking in 3D and working fast when scribbling figure gestures. It was exhilarating!  It was also frustrating...

By this time I  had a young family, so once my undergrad was in my hand I didn't return to art unless I found the energy to fight for a slot of time during the day, in which to attend a recreational print making class or life drawing session at the local community centre. Eventually even that fell to the wayside. I did however allow myself to occasionally explore various mediums on canvas, paper and just about any surface that was available to me in the home...until such a time that I had none. Time that is. Great amounts of uninterrupted time.

I call the mental state one slides into when caught up in the rhythm of creation 'the zone'.  It's a glorious place to find yourself, as you focus on the task at hand the rest of the world melts into the background. Should your concentration be disturbed you find yourself in a state not unlike busting out of  REM sleep when the telephone rings. You are highly agitated and it's difficult,  if not impossible, to regain the same smooth, creative flow you had been enjoying moments earlier. Unplanned 2 / 20 / 60 minute breaks are zone-killers, in particular if they travel in groups.

This is why writers have offices and artists have studios. They separate themselves from intrusions in order to minimize interruption of the time they have set aside to work. Being well tuned to their personal rhythms and lifestyle of those around them as well as any deadline, they will set their work time accordingly. There may be more flexibility in their scheduling of work hours due to the nature of the project but make no mistake, just because it's not 9 to 5 doesn't make it less serious.

The problem is that most non-creative people fail to recognize what artists do as labour. The time a creative person spends devoted to their craft is oddly enough not considered work, because "they like it". Therefore  the non-creative individual doesn't afford them the same respect of time and space that a labourer or professional would automatically enjoy. This is particularly true of anyone who is self-employed. Somehow if you are good at drawing or writing, and are attempting to support yourself doing so.... you are by default doing what you love as work and it doesn't count as work therefore you doing nothing much and interruptions of your creative time should be of no consequence.

Eventually I stopped creating because I couldn't bear the emotional upset of constant interruptions of my creative time. I found myself not only frustrated but angry at my family and eventually something had to give ...and it was easier to walk away from art than my children and husband.

This summer I took stock of my life and realized that those same children are now old enough to give me the space I need to create and I took a stand. I declared 9 a.m thru noon to be my office hours ....as a start. 

For six weeks I removed myself from the household to a cafe to sit and draw. The idea being that I would produce something from scratch every day on the spot, start to finish.  It's easy enough to create in the swirl of white noise a coffee house affords, although I had to keep moving further afield to cafes which were not frequented by people I know...as they would stop to chat....which defeated the purpose.

Eventually drawing daily had become a habit. This was part of the plan. Drawing had to be something I did every single day.  Having spent decades making excuses for not drawing I was now making sure I had time to do it, and came to crave it the way others might feel a burning need to engage in athletic activities. I required this brain/eye/hand exercise the way a runner needs to hit the street. The stimulation of my imagination, the slow but steady improvement in my ability to lay lines was becoming a necessary part of my routine. It felt glorious!

It was  time to bring this ink and paper show home to my desk near the kitchen. I had developed the ability to set the time aside daily to draw and now I had to tackle the task of defending that time  in the face of domestic chaos. 

My first defensive strategy was to inform the family that approaching me while I was at my desk had better involve broken limbs or arterial spray....or I would make sure it did.

Since this only worked on my children I had to find a way to get through to my husband that my artdesk is like his home office.....a bear cage. Approached only when no other options exist and with caution. To my consternation that didn't work, so I got personal. I informed him that drawing for me was like hot yoga is for him ~ I'm supremely bitchy when I don't get my daily session. THAT for reasons that only an OCD athlete will ever understand...worked.

To keep that ball rolling I set myself a project of creating 365 days of sketches/drawings. These are all just whimsical pieces created in Moleskine books which continue to force me to practice, practice and practice.  Having a goal will, in theory, help me find confidence with the medium I have chosen to focus upon, learn skills by doing and teach my family to respect my time at the artboard.

Next step?  Branching out from the comfort zone I find myself boxed into, involving Micron pens 

Moleskine journals. 

Materials:  Pentel 0.3 HB, Micron 005 & 02 pens, in a Moleskine plain journal